Monday, November 9, 2009
Water
Change
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Goddess Girl
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Bitch Magazine article on iPhone app
Thanks Bitch Magazine for this awesome article on a new and particularly ridiculous app for the iPhone. The original post can be accessed here.
Finally, an AMP iPhone App for the Predatory Douchenozzle Set
Let's say that you're out at a bar, and you meet an attractive girl. You want to talk to her, but you are completely devoid of all redeeming qualities and are literally incapable of striking up a conversation with anyone, let alone someone you hope to have sex with. Before now, you'd probably have to run to the bathroom and consult your Tucker Max paperback for potential date rape tactics, but not anymore. No, now there is an AMP iPhone app that will do all of the dirty work of "manipulating degrading figuring women out" for you.
In case you were unable to stomach/comprehend that video, I'll summarize: Pepsi (on behalf of their AMP energy drink) has organized women into 24 convenient categories. Now, when you meet one, instead of asking her for any information about herself whatsoever, you can guess which category she belongs in (based on looks, natch) and base your interaction with her on the things that your cell phone tells you she probably likes. The categories available are:
Artist
Aspiring Actress
Athlete
Bookworm
Businesswoman
Celebrity
Cougar
Dancer
Foreign Exchange Student
Goth Girl
Indie Rock Girl
Married
Military Girl
Nerd
Out-Of-Your-League Girl
Political Girl
Princess
Punk Rock Girl
Rebound Girl
Sorority Girl
Treehugger
Trouble
Twins
Women's Studies Major
How handy! Literally every woman under the sun is represented! You'll never have to get to know someone again! (And it looks like there is a good chance you'll be able to meet a real-life princess, which is a bonus because she is probably rich.) With this new technology, you'll never have to work to get those hot twins or that Women's Studies Major to go home with you again. Curious about how this works? Wondering how a phone could know everything possible about every type of woman? Well, here is the explanation from AppShopper:
AMP UP BEFORE YOU SCORE is a roadmap to success with your favorite kinds of women—24, in all.
Is she an Artist? Quote some Picasso. Indie Rocker? Here are her favorite songs. Sorority Girl? Good thing you know the Greek alphabet. Know what makes her tick before you open your mouth, so she’ll like what she hears when you do.
Here’s how it works:
1. Identify Her Type
Got your eye on a girl, and aren’t sure how to get started? Pick out her profile, flip the card, and study up quick with a cheatsheet on the stuff she’s into, with lists, links and some surefire opening lines. (Surefire to what, we won’t say.)2. Keep a List
Get lucky? Add her to your Brag List. You can include a name, date and whatever details you remember.3. Brag
You got it? Flaunt it. Keep your buddies in the loop on email, Facebook or Twitter.AMP UP BEFORE YOU SCORE has everything you need to make her look forward to what’s next. (With you, we mean. We’re talking about you.)
You’re welcome.
See? You're welcome! Politeness! And they make it so easy to BRAG TO YOUR FRIENDS about your "score"! I mean, who would have guessed that you could "know what makes her tick before you open your mouth"? (Hint: Part of what "makes her tick" is probably the fact that you haven't opened your mouth yet.) You can take care of all of this on your phone, and your douchenozzle friends can play along. Score, indeed!
Now to be fair, pretty much everyone with a pulse has reported being repulsed by this app since it was released (for free) last week. In fact, Pepsi tweeted an apology earlier today on the subject (Twitter! The new sincerity!):
Our app tried 2 show the humorous lengths guys go 2 pick up women. We apologize if it’s in bad taste & appreciate your feedback. #pepsifail
Yeah, somehow the Tweet doesn't fit the crime here, IMO. It's like Pepsi burned someone's house down and then sent them an e-card to apologize. ("Oops! Sorry if you're upset!") And it seems as though lots of the Twitter feedback is along the lines of "this would all be fine as long as there was one for chicks too" which is, obviously, COMPLETELY missing the point of why this app is a major fail. Shoving human beings into ridiculously offensive categories for the purpose of pretending to be someone you're not so that you can have sex with them under false pretenses and then brag about it to your friends on the Internet is not something that should be made available to all genders. It should be eliminated based on its supreme douchebagginess.
But enough blogging. I'm off to the bar to trick people into having sex with me. Does anyone know of an iPhone app I can get for that?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Midnight Rambles
Hypnotic. Rhythmic. Step by step she washed away each word. Every breath polluted by the disdain she felt for Salim in that moment, a disdain she knew she had to overcome. It wasn't his fault that his mother had fallen ill. Bringing her to live with them was the right thing to do. She would have done the same. But living with Salim's mother changed the game entirely. The playful life they had so long been living together would become cumbersome - laden with formalities and proprieties Shirin hated. A glass of wine at night would be judged badly; an afternoon rendez-vous between Salim and Shirin at home, to bang out the tensions of the work day and indulge in the sexual pleasures they were too tired to enjoy at night - impossible.
And then she would die. Salim's mother, eventually, she would die. She would first get sicker. Weaker. More burdensome. Until her corpse tainted the air of the apartment. They might have to move. But that was life. And there was no time to think about it. To dwell. To wallow in her own self-pity. She had to go home and cook, clean and prepare for her new house-guest's arrival.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Nerdom
- E. Wenger from Communities of Practice (1998)
Friday, September 4, 2009
Upcoming Events in Toronto

Mark Lewis Artist Talk: Tuesday September 8 6:00PM - 7:00PM Hart House
Opening Reception: Tuesday September 8 7:00PM - 9:30PM JMB Gallery
Meet the Filmmakers:
Mark Lewis, Artist * Michael White, Executive Producer * Gerry Flahive, Producer (NFB)
For more information on Cold Morning and Mark Lewis visit:
www.

Exhibition runs from September 10 to October 10, 2009
Opening reception Thursday September 10 6-9pm
SPECIAL EVENT:
Gallery walkthrough with Cedric Bomford and Nicholas Brown
Saturday, September 11 3pm
NEW HOURS:
Thursday and Friday: 5-9pm
Saturday: 12-5pm
Red Bull 381 Projects
381 Queen St. W (Queen & Peter) 2nd Floor, Toronto
www.redbull381projects.com

Image credits:
Cedric and Nathan Bomford, For Fools and Traitors-Nothing (installation view, Or Gallery, Vancouver) 2007
Cedric, Nathan and Jim Bomford The Office of Special Plans (installation view, Vancouver Art Gallery) 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sleep Healer
longer for me than you.
So long and so far that I am lost, again
and forget where I started.
Uncertainty meets instability
atoms shake intensely,
starting in the chest
working their way up the throat
until they dissipate,
hesitate,
degenerate
into familiar smells.
Like sleep.
Wake,
with a fresh pair of eyes.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Dates from top to bottom: unknown; 1975; 1926; 1920s.


